This week we gave been holidaying in De Nile- it’s a lovely place where everyone is happy & having lots of fun goddammit… it’s a delicate bliss that is easily broken into the usual stomach knotting anxiety by ‘I know you’re on holiday but…’ texts and fretting that the kids (and us) are causing too much noise or dashing plans for the family we are holidaying with. We are acutely aware that it’s their holiday too, so don’t want it to be all about us. When Squooze’s shower broke, we were offered a change of chalet – Mr Geek explained that he’d turned it down as it wasn’t the end of the world & the hassle would only be worth it if the shower mummy used was broken. I could’ve smacked him! I know he meant that I can only use 1, whereas other people can share, but I hate being the special snowflake. He means well, but ffs.
Our actual location is Les Trois Forêts, the newest Centreparcs in France on the very East near Nancy about 45 minutes from the German border. It’s everything the adverts promise & a little more. It turns out that centreparcs is my ideal holiday location; I’ve been resisting the calls from friends for years, but my ideal day of breakfasting, then a bike ride along smooth tarmac / smooth forest trails, lunch, & then maybe a swim in the warm pool is all catered for perfectly here.
We cycled along this river today.
My chair cycle has been a permanent feature on my wheelchair this week. So much so that when I offered to take Mr Geek’s broken inner tube back up to the cycle station on my own, he agreed with no hesitation. To recap: I was able to ride to the main centre on my own without anyone fussing. Leonardo (my electric wheelchair cycle) feels like I’m just part of the cyclists here. I can whizz about with my off road tyres on the wheelchair which take almost all of the bumps away, leaving me free to quite literally feel the wind in my hair. Ok, he has a top speed of about 12 mph, and going up hill can be a struggle, and some people insist on staring, but he’s my freedom. Let them stare.
It’s interesting how much we pin on our holidays. These 2 weeks underline the other 5o where we struggle with things day to day, so somehow the other 2 must be perfect. For my part, I am pulling the “I’m fine” card and pushing myself to my absolute physical limits which has already landed me with several nights unable to sleep from pain that I refused to show during the day. Mr Geek snapped several times this week, but today he verbalised his holiday woes – following losing an offspring in the forest, (we didn’t actually lose her, she just cycled so far ahead that we had images of her being eaten by wolves & us making television pleas for her to be regurgitated by the bear that ate her. Usual rational & calm parent reactions), he stated that he would like to have some time where he didn’t have to play UN, or panic about what a child was doing. And he was right. He has been running about trying to make everyone happy – he was rewarded with chocolate & banana crêpes & an hour watching the children continue their goat induced euphoria in the petting farm whilst we leached the WiFi and played Pokemon Go (the chicken coup was a PokeStop & the enormous slide a gym!). We are both reasonably solitary creatures and he is suffering more than I am with the attack of ‘socialising’.
Interestingly, I seem to be managing physically better this week, although I’ve had a couple of flares and kept these hidden under the guise of “sleeping in”. I’m keeping up my standard routine of painkillers & TENS, but I haven’t had more than a couple of dislocations this week. I pulled my elbow out a couple of times, but as far as major injuries go, I’m doing really well.
Part of my self care in that respect was to have an “early night” last night. Actually, what that entailed was reading a bit of my book then napping on the sofa from 5pm until dinner, eating a small dinner then heading to bed with the TENS machine running a variety of cycles on my hip & pelvis, and reading well over half of my book in between naps well into the wee hours. I’m reading The Druids Sword which is part of the Shannara Chronicles- brilliantly written, but perhaps out to come with a few TWs. Mentally & physically, it was exactly what I needed & left me with a full compliment of spoons for today.
Life is not always easy with a heightened awareness of other’s emotions (such as it is with anxiety), but we are with family in beautiful surroundings & enjoying land & water. It doesn’t have to be perfect, because what we will remember is the riding through the forest & rescuing a small child from a locked toiled (always carry a 2p coin for this purpose!) & the late night card games & the food & feeding the cats paté. And of course the goats. We’ll always have the goats… note to self: must double check Beanpole’s luggage…