This time tomorrow night Mr Geek & I will be all tucked up in a our new bed. We waited for the sales, then used the back payment for my PIP to buy an adjustable bed so I could raise my feet at night & sit up when needed. In order to do this, we had to by 2 single beds and have them fixed together with a bracket. Of course what this meant was were going from a double bed to a superking size (6ft wide).
We know that having an adjustable bed is going to make a massive difference to my (and consequently, his) quality of sleep. But this brought up 2 very interesting points:
1. Adjustable beds aren’t normal size in terms of length, so require “special” bedding. Of course, because it’s linked to disability, the price tag rockets. Being disabled is expensive. Even a clean sheet to sleep on costs more. This irks me.
2. People make assumptions about our relationship now.
“Why not just have them as single beds?”
“You should have single quilts, not king size. Then you have one each.”
“It’ll be nice having a bed to yourself. Then she won’t keep you awake when she’s having a bad night.”
All of this roughly being translated as “you’re not in a proper relationship where you have sex anymore”. Well more fool you bedding judges. We may have 2 single mattresses, but we have a giant duvet to share because being disabled doesn’t automatically stop your libido. Sure, we have to make adjustments – dislocating a hip during orgasm is a sure fire way to put of most partners. If anything, losing my and being in pain has created a stronger physical bond as we spend more timobilityme soothing aching muscles & bones with warm oil & stones. This requires nudity. And, well…
For those finding themselves sinking slowly into reduced mobility (or careering down like an out of control skydiver like I did), all is not lost in the boudoir department, but I’ve learnt a few things this past year.
If it isn’t comfortable, don’t do it.
You might have been able to reverse cowgirl with full yee ha’s last year, but if your body is complaining, you’re not going to.enjoy it. You shouldn’t ever feel compelled to do something that you don’t enjoy. If it’s not working for you, try something else.
Relearn how your body works
You’ve been presented with a body that stopped functioning as you expected it to. With such frequent subluxations, I discovered that an orgasm in the wrong position landed me with my pelvis out & a pain flare through my back for days. So we went back to basics.
On your own, or together, investigate how things feel now. What I’m suggesting here is masturbation. There, I said it. It’s far more gentle than full penetration, and allows you to use mindfulness techniques where you are aware of where your body is as things start to feel nice.
Maybe not the ones you’re thinking of. I’m talking wedges and pillows here. Create your own special sexy nest where you’re not having to support yourself on painful joints. There are plenty of tips where a pillow is suggested under the hips – take this a step further by supporting anything that needs supporting. Gym ball… I’ll just leave that idea hanging there for you.
Massage isn’t just medicine
When we receive (and give) massage, the neurohormone dopamine is increased. This not only improves our mood, but makes us cope with pain easier. Relieving pain before even suggesting any other naked fun is a good plan in itself. Using trigger point massage (aka pressing on those painful muscle knots which are generally found around the shoulder & neck) stimulates the release of endorphins – the same hormone released during exercise. These not only help reduce pain now, but can continue having an effect for up to 48 hours.
In addition to dopamine, our levels of serotonin are increased with massage, affecting our overall mood. With serotonin also known as “the live drug”, creating a scenario where we are relaxing and feeling less pain will automatically predispose us to sexy time.
So there. Lessons learned for #TLDR
– only do stuff you want to do
– masturbate more
– use pillows
– massage more in non-naughty areas
– oh, and make your bedroom a nice place to be
We bought the prettiest duvet set with butterflies on them! This is utterly unlike Mr Geek, but we (I) spend so much time in bed these days that we’re trying to make it as welcoming as possible. We both like purple, so have gone for a white and purple theme for the room.
To finish this all off, I ordered a white butterfly lampshade and 3d stick on wall butterflies to go over the corner wall.
I’ve never wanted a girly bedroom before, but we threw each other a curveball on this one. We’ve gone from a Marvel Hero duvet set to 3d butterflies. Maybe we’re finally growing up…