It’s Easy Isn’t It?

It’s very easy to get frustrated when I can’t just get up and do something myself. This gets magnified a gazillion times when you add hormones into the mix.

Just for reference the week before “that week” involves extra wobbly joints, extra joint pain, not so random CRPS flares, breasts that swell and feel like they’ve been used as speed balls, retention of enough water to solve a sub-saharan drought, and just a teensy bit of irrational anger.

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It’s very easy to forget that you picked me up from work, cooked dinner, shuffled the kids to bed, and because of all that washing my stinky wrist braces was not high on your agenda.

It’s very easy to forget that we’re separate beings, so your day hasn’t been spent listening to my squeaky wheel so you did forget to oil the bearings because you haven’t heard them squeak since this morning. It’s also easy to forget that a week isn’t actually that long since I mentioned it – you’ve had other plates to spin like making sure my chair battery is charged, scanning every medical letter that arrives, planning our combined diaries, getting me to doctors appointments,  monitoring my medication, bringing me water & reminding me to eat…. and generally functioning for two when I go vague.

It’s very easy to forget that your job is important too, probably moreso and that you’ve been working on my time schedule for the last half term (the last 6 years tbh) which impacts on your work. This is a very valid reason why the Christmas cards that I bent my fingers out of shape writing at the weekend are still sat on the footstool.

It’s very easy to forget that although we were sensible and went to Amazon for all the Christmas shopping, someone needs to unpack these boxes that are invading our bedroom, wrap them & hand them out, and invariably that’ll be you.

It’s not easy to forget that I need you. I don’t want to need you, I want to want you. Needing you puts me in an uncomfortably vulnerable position, but if I have to need someone,  I’m glad it’s you.

I’m sorry I’ve been an irrational psycho this week xx

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