Being a bit of a hippy, the issue of body hair crops up regularly (pun intended!). Now personally, I don’t have a huge issue with women of a hairy persuasion and if left to my own devices on some kind of kibbutz, I would probably join the ranks of the Germanic and pose for Rembrant paintings with my curves and hair as celebrated parts of me.
But I’m not. I’m British, and am married to a man that just isn’t with me on the hairy leg debate. As such, a solution must be found. And one that is effective enough to deal with the impact of hormones and age which are slowly but surely convincing my body that I am actually a mammoth of the wooly persuasion.
There’s a whole other issue here with perceived norms of the female form and this blog seems to hit the nail on the head by adjusting famous pairings of women to conform with current western ‘norms’.
Shaving – It’s the go to quick solution, but doesn’t last and frankly I suck at it and despite being over 20 years into various forms of hair removal, I always end up cutting my knees.
Waxing – when done by a professional it HURT. And I limped off bruised and vowing never to return (and wondering who in their right mind would consider wax for tidying up the lady garden, let alone a Brazilian!). Home kits have been tried and whilst reasonably effective at hair removal, they do seem to swap hair for weird sticky residue. I’m not a spider. Attracting my potential mate by means of sticking them to one of my limbs is either weird, a very niche fetish or both.
Sugaring – yeah, see above, only stickier and has the added bonus of attracting insects.
Laser removal – expensive in the extreme!
The NoNo – ooh! I thought. Pain free? No shaving? How could this possibly work! …. By burning the hairs off your skin. I kid you not.
Epliator (aka. The Pain Machine)
It’s the lessor of a variety of evils. And in the summer, the best way forward.
Ahh bless. Even the charging light is a little heart. Don’t let it fool you though – its removal technique is a rolling thing of tweezers that merrily rip out your body hair as they pass by. Then spit them out onto whatever surface you’re sitting on.
It’s not as painful as waxing, but it takes a lot longer. The sensation is not unlike being tattooed. All over your legs. Eventually, you stop registering the little bee like stings and focus on the frustration of that patch you missed or why it really bloody hurts each time you attempt your knees.
Then you get brave and do your underarms, which bizarrely hurt less than knees… And if that hurts less than knees then…. Shit! No! No, that hurts MORE than knees. Stay away from that!
Eventually, you give up and head away from the hair removal device of choice for the Spanish Inquisition and have a hot bath to soothe all the little red dots where once sprouted soft, healthy, natural hair….. And remove the rest with a razor.
The most painless form of dealing with body hair? Find a time machine, go back to the renaissance, be hairy. Otherwise, look for sympathy from your blog followers.