Just hand over the coffee and everyone will get put of here alive

Batten down the hatches, she’s about to blow!

It doesn’t matter how many lame jokes people make about it, or how many people try to disprove its existence, PMT (or PMS for my American people) is real and is getting louder.

I was told today by one of the kids I teach that I don’t ever get grumpy and they couldn’t imagine me being mean. Hahahaha! He was talking about the same person who could be classified as an offensive weapon.

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It’s not like I’m massively tolerant of people who are intentionally stupid at the best of times (those who try are fine, those who just can’t are fine also, but those who don’t or won’t make my hackles stand on end). I embrace my PMT, I know that my fuse is short and I run with it. I embrace the all out rage and use it as fuel to get shit done (for instance, today I wrote a whole extra module for the school system and didn’t attempt homicide when I was bluntly told it wasn’t wanted after all. I see this as progress). Other times I ride it like a wave and I can see myself reacting to people (read LSH) like medusa, or Nero on a particularly bad day and consider this perfectly acceptable, nay justified on account of all the people surrounding me being total morons who deserve to be rubbed with cuttlefish.

I am aware that this is due to a sensitivity to the testosterone that my body produces (I’m allergic to myself?!) which not only gives me hairy arms, but makes me want to punch stuff and makes me swear like a fishwife. So how do men deal with this? Are they THIS angry all the time? Do they watch themselves from inside and think “You’re being an irrational arse for no real reason, but I’m ok with that. Off you go. Try not to have an embolism, there’s a good chap.”

My goal for this week is to not use the c word more than once per day, and preferably not at other drivers on the way to or from work. This also goes for gesticulation which suggests that the other driver is more interested in sexual activity with theirselves than improving their driving abilities. I will also maintain a swan-like appearance with my students (weirdly, all hormones disappear in the classroom. It’s like my hormones are no match for the teenagers battle royale of puberty hormones).
Finally, I will also refrain from voicing the actual opinions in my head – these shall be filtered for both vulgarity and content. All suggestions of where people should go to, or place items of interest will be vetoed.

Today I am more toad than frog. Don’t lick the toads, they make you go mad….

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6 thoughts on “Just hand over the coffee and everyone will get put of here alive

  1. To your rhetorical question about men watching themselves being uncontrollable fire crackers of anger….. Yes. Yes there are days when I have absolutely no control over my emotions or reactions regardless of being aware that I’m in a weaponised state that causes loved ones to hide and become as silent and as gingerly as members of a bomb squad.

    I should clarify though I generally have very little if any outwardly visible signs of control of my emotional state! I only learnt recently learnt not everyone is like this and that many (if not most) have some form of buffer zone between event and reaction where they get to choose how they want to react externally!

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    • I have an amazing outwards buffer in certain situations. At work I am unfazed by the most stressful situations, but provide me with a daughter who’s won’t go to bed or a husband who forgot to pick up the right kind of comb and I become Godzilla.

      I think it’s a case of knowing who will tolerate your crap 😉

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  2. I’ve come to terms with my homicidal tendencies related to PMS, but it’s sure been hard to watch my daughters learn to deal with it, especially the very real physical symptoms. Now our oldest has realized she experiences severe depression during that week every month and needs to begin the process of dealing with that – a frightening thing in family that’s been haunted by depression forever. Bleh.

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