I have a confession to make. I didn’t make it to Easter.
Baking soda, I have cheated on you. It isn’t you. No, actually it IS you. You’re messy, and smell weird and I can’t take you out anywhere. I shampooed my hair, and it was good. It lathered, and I did it again. I feel a bit bad for not lasting the whole 40 days.
I just needed to feel presentable. And to top it off I put tips on my nails too. So I now have gel tips with sparkly blue varnish and a bath full of bubbles.
Is it helping me think clearer? Well, no. Not really. But the simple act of painting my nails did give me something to focus on other than the incessant to do list that keeps being shouted from all directions from in and outside my head. I didn’t help myself yesterday by digging my heels in and refusing to answer the emails about small things. They could wait for Monday morning – no one is going to die if I don’t answer the email now. Ah, but it did mean that the first four hours of Monday morning I needed to grow an extra pair of arms so that I could teach and respond to everyone that was asking for ‘just five minutes’.
But I did it, and I finished the day with most of my to do list complete. Now, what I need is the mental chatter to quit thinking of extra things for me to do. Stop singing weird 90s songs at me. Stop giving me a running monologue of what I’m doing. I don’t need a theme tune. And if I did, I don’t want it to be something recognizable from Adventure Time! I also don’t need to be reminded of tomorrow’s to do list at 3am. Let it go brain, there’s nothing I can, or will do at 3am about the papers that need marking. 3am marking will do no good for me or the students. That road leads to bad things, and lots of coffee.
Being mindful is harder than it looks. Especially when your brain is on overdrive and a seemingly silent room is full of voices yelling about stuff you should be doing instead of resting.