I’m going to start this one with a quote from Kevin Smith from the film Dogma.
“When you’re little, the glass is small. It only takes a small amount of water to fill it. Now I’m an adult, the glass it much bigger and the same amount of water doesn’t fill it anymore”
Who knew I’d start a post about my faith with a quote from “Silent Bob”. Maybe it’s because through reading his blog and very aptly named books, he has been more honest than a huge number of the Catholic Church in recent(?) years. His boring ass life was just that. Boring. Oh my was that book boring, but I kept reading it. Why? Because he described a man that is only a few years my senior, but who despite being quite a big thing in the film world, loved his daughter, respected his wife and felt deeply for his overwhelmingly messed up friend. And most of all, he was trying to balance fame with a degree of morality, even if that was by taking pot shots at organised religion.
But I can see why. With each news report, the water in my glass recedes a little more. And yet, I’ve not lost faith, I’ve lost my connection with the organisation.
I still believe deeply in a higher being, just not the dribbley candles and men in dresses with burning metal handbags.
Every fibre in my body tells me I am here to be the best person I can be. But I’m not being that if I measure my worth by my attendance in a building.
I do pray. But not out loud, and not in a traditional sense.
I am astounded by scientific research. But thankful that we have evolved to the point of discovery.
What does this mean for me? Well, it leaves me in a conundrum when bringing up children in a Catholic faith. More and more I find myself disagreeing with the moral judgements made by the Church as an organisation. Gay marriage, women in the clergy, and the unmentionable crimes committed by members of the church have all been issues which have led me to question my faith.
Since starting this blog, and reading much more into the negative path to happiness it has occurred to me that I haven’t lost faith in God at all, I’ve lost faith in the Catholic Church which is a totally different thing. I can live with that. It just turns out that my footprints in the sand have points that I hop, or skip, or occasionally dance for no apparent reason.